On Republican leadership

What Republicans say: 

"We want small, unobtrusive government that will stay out of people's personal lives, forever and ever, amen."


"Well, except for that abortion thing. We think we should be able to tell women what to do with their bodies and babies and everything, even though abortion has been legal since 1973."

"Oh, one more thing. Those gays. We don't like that or them, either. We think gubmint should be able to reach into their houses--their bedrooms, even--and we don't care if it is two consenting adults not bothering anyone else, we don't think they should have equal rights, US Constitution be damned."

"If we think of anything else, we'll get back to you and let you know. Stay tuned."


"Other than that, yeah, we like small government."