What Republicans (really) stand for

Taken from the Minnesota Republican Senate District 56 website just now (with my input, as appropriate, afterward, in italics): Republican Principles I'm a Republican Because... --I BELIEVE the strength of our nation lies with the individual and that each person's dignity, freedom, ability and responsibility must be honored. (EXCEPT if a corporation or a wealthy person or group needs something that interferes with this. Then we're for them. But otherwise, sure, the individual and all that stuff.); --I BELIEVE in equal rights, equal justice and equal opportunity for all, regardless of race, creed, sex, age or disability. (EXCEPT for the those pesky gays and homosexuals--we don't think they should have equal rights. It's bad enough we had to give "equal rights"--ugh, we still hate the phrase--to women and African-Americans); --I BELIEVE free enterprise and encouraging individual initiative have brought this nation opportunity, economic growth and prosperity. (ESPECIALLY for corporations, particularly if it benefits them over the individual, "main street America", the "little guy", the working man and most especially, over the poor. We're not for the poor AT ALL). --I BELIEVE government must practice fiscal responsibility and allow individuals to keep more of the money they earn. (EXCEPT from 2000 to 2008 when Republican Geo. W. Bush was president and took us from budget surpluses to huge budget deficits and his arbitrary and illegal war. THEN we weren't for fiscal responsibility. NOW we are. Is that clear? You don't have a problem with that, right?) --I BELIEVE the proper role of government is to provide for the people only those critical functions that cannot be performed by individuals or private organizations, and that the best government is that which governs least. (And if we can get in the way of the EPA or banking regulations and overseeing corporations so they can take advantage of the American people, by God we will, just so you know); --I BELIEVE the most effective, responsible and responsive government is government closest to the people. (But wait--we just said it should be very little government. We don't know what this means. Sorry about that.); --I BELIEVE Americans must retain the principles that have made us strong while developing new and innovative ideas to meet the challenges of changing times. --I BELIEVE Americans value and should preserve our national strength and pride while working to extend peace, freedom and human rights throughout the world. (And this means we want to give as many billions--trillions?--of tax dollars we can to the American military-industrial complex of corporations so they can, in turn, give us thousands of dollars for our campaigns and--who knows?--maybe on a good day, free flights on their corporate jets and free food and booze and who knows what all we can get. Gosh, it's fun being in office!); --FINALLY, I believe the Republican Party is the best vehicle for translating these ideals into positive and successful principles of government. (Because, by golly, we're for "Big Business" and they circle money and power back to us better than anyone!) God Bless America! Link to original post: http://www.mnsd56.com/35/about-us.html