Quote of the day

"Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? 'I'm not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I'm just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I'd like to cut your chest open.' The crowd cheers." —Tina Fey, writing in her book, Bossypants

And happy birthday today to Ms. Fey who turns 41.

The inevitable: ObL jokes

"It looks like President Obama has a new campaign slogan:  'Yes I Did'."  --Jay Leno

"I think the next election just got a lot easier for President Obama 'cause his response to every question during the debates will be:  'Wait, I forgot...Did you kill Osama bin Laden?  Or did I kill Osama bin Laden?  Oh, no it was me, wasn't it?'"  --Craig Ferguson

"Osama bin Laden was apparently shot twice in the face.

It looks like Dick Cheney may have been involved."  --Jay Leno

Links:  http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/osamabinladen/a/Osama-Bin-Laden-Jokes.htm
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/osamabinladen/a/Osama-Bin-Laden-Jokes.htm

President Obama, the alien

"Don't feel bad.  They don't believe in me, either."  

--David W., number 2 runner-up on a caption contest at About.com's Political Humor page.

Link:  http://politicalhumor.about.com/

The "birthers"

"These people could have personally witnessed Obama being born out of an apple pie, in the middle of a Kansas wheat field, while Toby Keith sang the National Anthem---and they'd still think he was a Kenyan Muslim."  --Jimmy Kimmel, "Jimmy Kimmel Live"

Surely no one doubts this.


Links:   http://politicalhumor.about.com/
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/barackobama/a/Obama-Birth-Certificate-Jokes.htm

Quote of the day---on Sarah P and Glenn Beck

Sarah "Palin and Glenn Beck were born just one day apart in 1964. We're not sure whether it was just coincidence or the result of some sort of LSD experiment gone horribly awry, but the universe conspired to give us a double gift of crazy that has kept on giving." 

--About.com, from "Craziest Sarah Palin Quotes of All Time"   (Link here to original post:  http://politicalhumor.about.com/b/2011/02/11/craziest-sarah-palin-quotes-so-far.htm)

What will likely be my favorite Sarah Palin quote ever, no matter how long she lives

"All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years."

--Ms. Former Governor and official quitter, Sarah Palin, when asked by Katie Couric on CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008 what magazines she reads.


Link to original post:  http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/bl-sarah-palin-quotes.htm?PS=917%3A4

I'd love Tea Party member quotes---if they didn't believe what they said

The Most Ridiculous Tea Party Quotes Wednesday August 4, 2010 A roundup of the most idiotic and outrageous statements made by the nation's most prominent Tea Partiers: "We needed to have the press be our friend ... We wanted them to ask the questions we want to answer so that they report the news the way we want it to be reported." —Nevada GOP Senate nominee and Tea Party favorite Sharron Angle, during an interview with Fox News "I guarantee it's one of their long-term goals, to have one sort of borderless mass continent.'' —Kentucky GOP Senate nominee and Tea Party favorite Rand Paul, on the future of North America and secret U.S. plans for a European Union-style merger with Mexico and Canada Tea Party candidate Ken Buck, after being asked why people should vote for him for the Colorado GOP Senate nomination: ''Because I do not wear high heels. She (Buck's GOP primary opponent) has questioned my manhood, and I think it's fair to respond. I have cowboy boots, they have real bulls**t on them. And that's Weld County bulls**t, not Washington, D.C., bulls**t.'' ''There's a communist living in the White House.'' —Former SNL star and Tea Partier Victoria Jackson, at the Tea Party's Tax Day protest in Wahington, D.C., April 15, 2010 ''He has no place in any station of government and we need to realize that he is an enemy of humanity.''—Rep. Trent Franks (R-AZ), member of the Tea Party Caucus, on President Obama's decision to fund international family planning organizations that support legal abortion, Sept. 26, 2009 For more wonderful, utterly stupid quotes from Tea Party members, go here: http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/bl-tea-party-quotes.htm

Dumbest Political quotes of 2009

25. "I just get naked, that’s what I do." —Levi Johnston, baby daddy of Sarah Palin's grandchild, on exposing his johnson in Playgirl, as told to US Magazine (Source)

24. "No, no. I have been practicing ... I bowled a 129. It's like -- it was like Special Olympics, or something." —President Barack Obama, making an off-hand joke during an appearance on "The Tonight Show" (Obama later called the head of the Special Olympics to apologize), March 19, 2009 (Source)

23. "I mean, we've got czars now. Czars like John Holdren, who has proposed forcing abortions and putting sterilants in the drinking water to control population." —FOX News Channel's Glenn Beck, taking past writings by Obama's science and technology advisor, John Holdren, ridiculously out of context, "Glenn Beck Show," July 22, 2009 (Source)

22. "Keep your government hands off my Medicare." —a protester at a health care reform town hall meeting in Simpsonville, S.C., commenting on the government-created Medicare program, quoted by The Washington Post on July 28, 2009 (Source)

21. "UPS and FedEx are doing just fine, right? It's the Post Office that's always having problems." –Obama, attempting to make the case for government-run healthcare, while simultaneously undercutting his own argument, Portsmouth, N.H., Aug. 11, 2009 (Source)

20. "So here you have Barack Obama going in and spending the money on embryonic stem cell research. ... Eugenics. In case you don't know what Eugenics led us to: the Final Solution. A master race! A perfect person. ... The stuff that we are facing is absolutely frightening." —Glenn Beck on his radio show, "The Glenn Beck Program," March 9, 2009 (Source)

19. "I wouldn't go anywhere in confined places now. ... When one person sneezes it goes all the way through the aircraft. That's me. I would not be, at this point, if they had another way of transportation, suggesting they ride the subway." —Vice President Joe Biden, dispensing handy tips to protect against the swine flu and freaking us out, "Today Show" interview, April 30, 2009 (Source)

18. "I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence." —Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), on the 1976 Swine Flu outbreak that happened when Gerald Ford was president, April 28, 2009 (Source)

17. "We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets." —Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele, on the GOP's need for a hip-hop makeover, Feb 19, 2009 (Source)

16. "I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night's light - but hey, that would be going into sexual details..." —South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, writing a love email to his Argentine mistress, Maria Shapur (Source)

15."Iranian twitter activity similar to what we did in House last year when Republicans were shut down in the House." —a Twitter post by Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-MI), comparing the mass uprising of Iranians — utilizing Twitter as an organizing tool — to the GOP's attempt to express dissatisfaction over Nancy Pelosi's decision to adjourn Congress before an energy vote last year. In response, Twitter users mercilessly heckled Hoekstra en masse, turning his idiotic statement into a full-blown Internet meme. "To Hoekstra" acquired its own definition, meaning "to whine using grandiose exaggerations and comparisons." (Source)

14. "She wears little eye-patch underwear. So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And so, we had made love Wednesday--a lot! And so she'll, she's all, 'I am going up and down the stairs, and you're dripping out of me!' So messy!" —State Rep. Mike Duvall (R-Calif.), caught on a live mic boasting to a colleague about an affair with a lobbyist, Sept. 9, 2009. Duvall resigned when the tape was made public. (Source)

13. "That's why people need to continue to go to the town halls, continue to melt the phone lines of their liberal members of Congress, and let them know, under no certain circumstances will I give the government control over my body and my health care decisions." —Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), a pro-lifer who completely missed the irony of using the same slogan as the pro-choice movement in arguing against health care reform (Source)

12. "People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn't have a chance in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless." —a July 31 editorial in Investor's Business Daily warning about end-of-life counseling in health care reform. Hawking, in fact, lives in England and has been treated by their National Health Service, which, by his own account, saved his life (Source)

11. "Obama's got a health care logo that's right out of Adolf Hitler's playbook ... Adolf Hitler, like Barack Obama, also ruled by dictate." —Rush Limbaugh, Aug. 6, 2009

10. "The system worked." —Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, on airline security's failure to stop the Nigerian terrorist who tried to blow up a passenger jet on Christmas Day, Dec. 27, 2009. (She later acknowledged that security had failed) (Source)

9. "Hunger can be a positive motivator." —State Rep. Cynthia Davis (R-Missouri), arguing in a press release against a program that feeds poor children 18, suggesting they should get jobs instead, June 2009 (Source)

8. "Exercise freaks ... are the ones putting stress on the health care system." —Rush Limbaugh, June 12, 2009 (Source)

7. "O-L-I-G-A-R-H-Y." —Glenn Beck, misspelling "oligarchy" on his chalk board while claiming he had deciphered a secret code that he said was proof Obama was trying to create an "Oligarhy," Aug. 27, 2009, FOX News Channel's "Glenn Beck Show" (Source)

6. "It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: 'Sit down and shut up,' but that's the worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out." —Sarah Palin, quitting her job as governor, July 3, 2009 (Source)

5. "The Cambridge police acted stupidly." —Obama, commenting on a white police officer's arrest of black scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr. at his home in Cambridge, Mass., at a news conference, July 22, 2000 (Source)

4. "This president I think has exposed himself over and over again as a guy who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture....I'm not saying he doesn't like white people, I'm saying he has a problem. This guy is, I believe, a racist." —Glenn Beck, on Obama, sparking an advertiser exodus from his FOX News show, July 28, 2009 (Source)

3. "The governor is hiking the Appalachian Trail." —a spokesman for South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, explaining Sanford's disappearance and coining the , June 22, 2009 (Sanford later admitted to carrying on extramarital affair with his Argentine mistress) (Source)

2. "You lie!" —Rep. Joe Wilson, shouting out a retort to Obama's address before a joint session of Congress on Sept. 9, 2009 (Source)

1. "The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel.'" —Sarah Palin, in a message posted on Facebook about Obama's health care reform plan, Aug. 7, 2009

Link to original source:
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/stupidquotes/a/dumb-quotes-2009.htm